Puffin Fact #1
Never talk about Penguins in front of a Puffin. Puffins think Penguins are over-represented in the media, and especially despise the ‘Happy Feet’ franchise.
Puffin Fact #2
Despite being called “pufflings”, their baby Puffins are super vicious, and would bite your fingers off given the chance. Several high profile Icelanders have missing fingers as a result.
(with thanks to @chlofun)
Puffin Fact #3
Puffins often lay eggs covered in a Tartan pattern. This can occur whether or not they have been to Scotland.
(with thanks to @nickminers)
The collective noun for a group of Puffins is an ‘indecision’. The same term can be applied in the human world to senior managers.
Puffins are suckers for sushi, but they don’t cope well with chopsticks.
(with thanks to Quentin Bates – world famous author)
Puffins have made the decision not to read ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ on moral grounds. Copies of the book have been found in some burrows though.
The colours on a puffin’s bill reflect their diet. Some Puffins with rare blue stripes were sighted raiding Smarties distribution centre in Carlisle, during the UK’s riots of summer 2011.
(with thanks to @HerdyUK)
Puffins have been known to swarm and kill large dogs.
(with thanks to @J__Swift)
The world record for freestyle underwater long jump is held by a puffin who retired undefeated from the sport in 1973.
(with thanks to @graskeggur)
A left-handed (or -winged) puffin will fly with a slight list to starboard.
(With thanks to @graskeggur)
Puffins mate for life. Unless a hotter, more attractive puffin comes along.
(with thanks to @Matt_Silverman)
There is an 82% chance a concealed puffin is staring at you right now.
(with thanks to @NicLewis)
Iceland is home to 320,000 people and about 10 million puffins. For that reason puffins dominate Icelandic politics.
(with thanks to @guywriter)
Puffins hate to be called “stocky” – they prefer “compact” or “stout.”
(with thanks to @guywriter)
A puffin once tore out Gordon Ramsey’s heart and ate it raw, then replaced him with another puffin in a Gordon Ramsey costume.
(With thanks to @NannaArnadottir)
In the days before television, families used to gather together around the puffin at night for entertainment.
(with thanks to @pumpkinsam)
CERN’s Large Hadron Collider smashes puffins together at 99.99% of light speed in hopes of discovering the elusive anti-puffin.
(with thanks to @pumpkinsam)
Puffins are so called due to their tendency to hyperventilate and suffer with asthma. The multi-coloured bills are, in fact, oxygen masks.
(with thanks to @stevyncolgan)
Puffins are rubbish at Twitter. They never follow back.
(With thanks to @graskeggur)
Puffins can dive to depths of 200 feet, but these days they can get muffins from local stores, so they don’t have to.
(with thanks to @randi_ward)
Don’t cut the tag off your new puffin. It voids the warranty.
(with thanks to @Matt_Silverman)
If you play The Beatles “Sgt. Pepper” album backwards, you can hear a female puffin mating call.
(with thanks to @arisso)
Puffins feel themselves to be socially superior to less colourful birds, but go to pieces in the presence of parrots.
(with thanks to @graskeggur)
Puffins are often eaten with blueberry jam in Iceland. As a consequence, a puffin will always urinate on every blueberry bush they see.
After James Garfield’s 1881 assassination, a puffin served as US President for 14 hrs until Chester Arthur could be sworn in.
(with thanks to @pumpkinsam)
Don’t upset the puffins. The seabird mafia has a long memory and an even longer arm. Well, not an arm, a wing.
(with thanks to @graskeggur)
Like snowflakes, no two Puffins are identical.
Generally, Puffins read right to left, rather than left to right.
In the 1980′s, attempts were made to farm Puffins, but they proved too hard to herd, despite the use of specialist dogs.
If a puffin lands in your soup it’s considered good luck.
(with thanks to @SorryAbtTheFace)
Puffins have a vocabulary of several thousand words. To the untrained ear they all sound like “caw”.
(with thanks to @J__Swift)
Liza Minelli was once married to a puffin.
(with thanks to @J__Swift)
Puffins have been known to hunt sharks for sport.
(with thanks to @Matt_Silverman)
33% of puffins still have a MySpace page.
(with thanks to @Matt_Silverman)
A puffin turned down a role in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
(with thanks to @J__Swift)
Other than those that are asthmatic, puffins barely ever ‘puff’. They exhale silently.
(with thanks to @Kung_Fu_Kitten)
If you listen to a puffins calls backwards, you can often hear the opening bars of ‘Stairway to Heaven’.
(with thanks to @kevin_parr)
Puffins were all about Iceland before it was cool; they are the real hipsters.
(with thanks to @abouticeland).
The Puffin Olympics has been forced to change its name this year due to trademark issues. It is now called ‘International Puffin Sports Day’.
Puffins prefer Cornetto as their ice-cream of choice, citing the chocolate in the cone as a reason.
Puffins in Skomer, Wales have a slight Welsh accent.
A Puffins beak can change colour in sunlight; this is where the technology for Global Hyper-Colour t-shirts in the 1980′s was found.
Puffins were used in Guinness advertising campaigns long before Toucans got involved. Toucans charge substantially less.
Sinead O’Connor keeps a pet Puffin under her bed. Nothing compares to him.
Security firm G4S did consider recruiting Puffins to provide security at London 2012 Olympics, but Police and Military have proved more reliable.
When Bez temporarily left the Happy Mondays, a Puffin took his place, until Shaun Ryder eventually found out.
Puffins get free entry into Iceland Airwaves.
According to film industry insiders, an unbelievably suave and athletic puffin is being tipped as the next James Bond.
(with thanks to @graskeggur)
Most people believe that there wasn’t a Glastonbury Festival in 2012. There was, but it was just for Puffins.
Puffin Fact #50
Bram Stoker based the character of Lucy in Dracula on a puffin working in the wardrobe at the Lyceum Theatre in 1882.
(with thanks to @graskeggur)
All puffins are allergic to peanuts.
Puffins are good at the majority of team sports, but excel at Cricket. One day internationals are their preferred format.
The soft feathering of Pufflings (baby puffins) is the softest known on earth. As a result, it is often used in the make-up bushes used by supermodels.
A group of Puffins are supporting Sigur Rós on their upcoming world tour.
Puffins collect sand eels in their beaks. The record is 61, although this is hotly contested.
Puffins take it in turns to pose for tourist’s photos. During the busy summer months, there is a three day on, two day off shift pattern.
Puffins vehemently deny being involved in the phone hacking scandal, although this is still being investigated.
Puffins come in four types – Atlantic, Horned, Tufted and Urban.
Puffins are highly allergic to beetroot, which can make their entire beak turn purple.
Puffins are notoriously hard to track, as they have been known to remove tracking devices and reattach them to the less intelligent gull species.
Puffins used the Icelandic patronymic system for names, regardless of where their colonies are in the Northern hemisphere. It doesn’t much matter though, as they are all called ‘Puffin’.
Puffins can walk before they even hatch from eggs. This can lead to eggs turning over and over in nests, with a baby puffin pedalling away on the inside.
In Germany, Puffins have long been used to serve beer at beer festivals.
Several Puffins have entered the Eurovision Song Contest. None have ever got past the semi-final stage.
A Puffin once wandered into the BBC newsroom by mistake, but was interviewed about politics anyway.
The street signs in Heimaey, Vestmannaeyjar are shaped like Puffins. This is pleasant for the human residents, but confuses the Puffin population.
Eating a Puffins heart can extend your life by five years. However, eating a Puffins liver can take up to fourteen years off.
In North America, Puffins have taken to hiding in mugs in work places, only popping out when lifted by the user. This causes much distress to the mug user, but causes great delight to Puffins, especially those observing.
Puffins strongly believe that Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and often have breakfasts instead of lunch and dinner.
Puffins cannot naturally swim, but have to be taught by Gannets.
Puffins have a trace of Vodka in their blood to prevent freezing in the winter.
Puffins do not require Passports, but have them anyway.
Puffins can live up to 31 years of age, although this is difficult to prove due to their similar appearance and devious nature.
This is not an actual Puffin:
(with thanks to the ever-helpful @andijah)
The phrase ‘rarer then hen’s teeth’ should actually be ‘rarer than Puffin’s teeth’. Neither actually have teeth.
Puffins cannot recognise their own reflection. This is to prevent them from becoming vain.
Due to the precarious places in which they live, all Puffins are routinely trained in Search and Rescue techniques.
A Puffin from Iceland gave Damon Albarn the idea for his Gorillaz project.
The tears of a Puffin can heal numerous diseases and disorders, but this information is suppressed by global pharmacy companies.
The Arctic Monkeys were originally named The Arctic Puffins, but after an acrimonious copyright battle with some actual arctic puffins, the band were forced to change their name.
Two Puffins, placed head to foot, will fit exactly into an average sized beer can. Please don’t try this though.
Puffins have a celebrated history of design, including the New York Subway Map and, somewhat controversially the Penguin symbol on Penguin books.
The rare Shortarsed Puffin, which is only half the size of a regular Puffin can only been found in Kolbeinsey, North Iceland.
If you count the lines on a Puffins beak, this has absolutely nothing to do with how many years old they are.
Andrew Bird, the singer/songwriter, actually uses a stage name. His real name is Andrew Puffin.
There has never been a Puffin Muppet. Puffins are slightly miffed about this.
Puffins cannot look directly upwards.
Puffins will leave their nests for the sea all on the same day in August. This day is decided upon by the Puffin Elders Committee (PEC).
Puffins have excellent sight in darkness. Military grade night vision technology is based on Puffin eyes.
Italian bakers have historically used Puffins to knead pizza dough with their large feet. They are excellent at this; both gentle and firm at the same time.
In the 1990′s, Icelandic electrical sockets were redesigned to prevent Puffins from placing their beak into them. This followed several tragic incidents.
Bonfires, or any sort of outdoor fire, should be checked thoroughly for errant Puffins before lighting.
Puffins are excellent underwater swimmers, and are better than some species of fish.
Puffins are actually closely related to the Common Woodpecker.
When Puffins moult in early summer, they wear a Lopapeysa until their new feathers grow.
No puffin has won a Nobel Prize, although a Welsh puffin was considered in 1936 but rejected for bad table manners.
(with thanks to @graskeggur)
The Icelandic flag is the only national flag to carry an image of a Puffin. It’s in the top left if you look very carefully.
You are never more than 2m away from a Puffin in Iceland during June and July.
In a staring contest, between a Puffin and a Polar Bear, a Puffin will win every time.
Puffins are known to be prolific writers in their spare time – in fact, a team of two puffins are running this blog.
(with thanks to @ChloFun)
Iceland, Defrosted 